<sarcasm> <parody>

Day 1

I am fortunate to count myself among the living after this morning’s early morning earthquakes rocked the Maryland region.

The initial 3.6 quake, followed soon thereafter by the 2.0 that devastated Germantown, Maryland, hit just after 5 this morning.

While other parts of the country may dismiss these as “small,” the 3.6 was the highest magnitude quake ever scientifically recorded in Maryland.

Never before have we as a state experienced such a catastrophic earthquake event, in scientifically recorded Maryland history.

(from http://earthquake.usgs.gov/)

It was felt across the Nation’s capital region. (President Obama, like many area residents, apparently slept through it.)

(from http://earthquake.usgs.gov/)

The devastation is all around us

(from http://famousdc.com/)

Already, spontaneous relief groups, such as Germantown Earthquake Relief have sprung up on facebook.

In light of such societal collapse in the DC burbs, now is the time to think of the children.

Day 2

Reacting swiftly to the desperate need in the Maryland burbs, other states rapidly deployed their most important disaster relief asset, adoption agencies.

Quake related abandoned children were soon sighted in Maryland grocery stores riding in grocery carts.

Adoption agencies wasted no time, stepping in and offering to help the poor abandoned children find new forever families outside the quake affected zone.

(See: this from Bastardette “…Texas Christian’s Dr. Karyn Purvis, the attachment lady who equates wheeling a kid around the store in a grocery cart with child abandonment…” I was at the conference, I saw Purvis spewing this crap with my own eyes.)

Day 3

Immediately, NCFA and JCICS swung into action, lobbying hard in DC, trying help legislators understand the scope of the natural disaster and the imperative of moving the children from the disaster zone to other parts of the country where they could have a better life.

Catholic Charities proposed a massive Baby Lift operation, ensuring that the tiniest and most fragile quake survivors are resettled in areas of safety with new adoptive families.

Other adoption agencies pleaded for adoptions to be fast tracked for the sake the of the children, saying, “It’s just a good example of how God can bring something good from such a horrible situation.”

The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute stepped in and a letter was signed demanding federal officials clear the way for the orphans of the Maryland quake be transported out of the chaos and that the federal government work with faith based relief partners.

(See: When Disaster Strikes, Adoption Is Sure to Follow, HAITI CHILD EVACUATION: A NEW OPERATION PEDRO PAN?, HAITI: OPERATION PIERRE PAN POSTPONED; POLITICIANS PANDER, SNAPSHOT: DISASTER EVANGELISM IN HAITI– GOD BRINGS “SOMETHING GOOD FROM A HORRIBLE SITUATION”, the Jan. 19th letter to Secretary of State Clinton, &  the Jan 20th letter.)

Day 4

Originally, only kids already in an adoption process were being allowed out of the Maryland suburbs.

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell and his wife, Judge Marjorie O. Rendell of the United States Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit, along with an emergency medical team boarded a plane in Pittsburgh flatly stating, “enough is enough, the time for sitting around and talking is over, the Earthquake orphans of Maryland must be rescued!”

After hours of waiting in the holding pattern to land at the overburdened Montgomery County Airpark, the closest airport to the disaster zone, and the only airport with a runway large enough to accommodate the Rendell’s plane.  The pilot wormed his way into the queue, pushing other relief flights out of the way by demanding the tower let them land and pointing out the dignitaries he carried, saying, “The governor of Pennsylvania is on the plane.”

Initially, the flight was only to remain on the ground long enough for Montgomery county social workers to hand over to Governor Rendell and his party the foster kids taken from their foster families, Ikea orphans,  and grocery cart orphans inside the quake affected zone, but as that hand off took longer than expected, the Governor’s private plane was forced to relinquish its place on the tarmac for other relief flights.

After hours spent waiting around Rockville City Hall on the phone with federal officials, Governor Rendell finally managed to secure a lift back home on one of the military’s relief flights.

(Rockville city hall as it appeared before the quake.)

As the plane loaded, one of the social workers noted that one of the foster kids was not with the larger group. In the rush to get the kids out, one had been left behind, back at City Hall. The Social worker heroically refused to board the flight, insisting she stay behind until all “her kids” even the child who had been left behind who was not already in an adoption process be taken to safety. Fortunately, she and the child were able to catch a later fight.

University of Maryland lawyer and activist Testudo Terrapin objected after the July 15th earthquake:

“The government has collapsed, the police have collapsed, society as we knew it has collapsed. No one knows how many policemen, municipal workers, and other  there were, how many escaped, who is injured”. Many people are still missing. Governor Rendell, you cannot just take off with a plane load of our children!”

Governor Rendell pushed aside all criticism, ignoring it.

Just before  Governor Rendell’s heroic flightthe federal government had issued a special  “Humanitarian adoption policy” such that all kids from the Maryland disaster zone could be at least temporarily relocated to would-be-adoptive families in other states.

Governor Rendell at the press conference afterwards said his flight proved once again, the ends justify any means. He said one look into the eyes of the children on the Air Force C-17 that was heading to Pittsburgh, gave him all the justification he needed.

(See: Rendell uses his clout to get orphans out of Haiti, Haiti series- “It is madness. It is insane…” Bribes, Bullies, and Traffickers extract kids- part 4, (Part 4: Kids not in an adoption process being exported, bullies and bribes & the Rendells’ Raid, Mission To Rescue Orphans Was ‘Touch & Go’, & Rendell’s political clout comes in handy)

Day 5

From the moment the Rendell’s flight landed, phone lines at nearby adoption agencies across Pennsylvania began to ring off the hook with desperate would-be-adopters jockeying for position trying to gain one of the unspoken for Maryland earthquake orphans.

Montgomery County Executive Ike Leggett denounced the flight in the strongest possible terms. At a press conference hastily convened he spoke sternly, “You cannot simply come into Maryland and take our children, they are our future, they are tomorrow’s office workers, starbucks employees, and NIH researchers. Maryland needs her children!”

The Rendells, on the other hand, insisted their flight, despite its $5,578.29 cost to the Pennsylvania taxpayers was all worth it, while refusing to reimburse a single penny (despite Pennsylvania’s growing budget deficits.) Initially, after the flight the Governor had  bragged “This trip cost the taxpayers of Pennsylvania nothing.”

(See:  Governor Rendell lied to taxpayers about the cost of his religiously based child scavenging raid,  & Gov. Ed Rendell’s trip to rescue 54 Haitian orphans cost taxpayers after all.)

Day 6

An argry mob of quake survivors today briefly delayed the latest evacuation of orphans from the earthquake zone. The orphans were headed to the Montgomery County Airpark  when a group of 20 men blocked four women accompanying the children, shouting, “You can’t take our children!” Police briefly detained the women, and the orphans — ages 1-5 — spent three nights sleeping on the ground in one of Maryland’s many tent cities. Federal officials who had come from DC carrying the documents needed to take them out had been running late.

Fortunately, the children are now resting comfortably with their new forever families in a faith based shelter. They have been provided a meal of traditional Maryland cuisine of crabcakes, Maryland fried chicken, and beaten biscuits.

Fears of social unrest and the growing ire of Maryland residents in reaction to having their children removed have caused adoption agencies to act quickly, taking as many kids as possible as quickly as possible.

(See: 6 Haitian Orphans who had been detained land in US.)

Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow, in which I’ll detail Laura Silsby’s Maryland adventure.

</sarcasm> </parody>

(No, I’m not really comparing Maryland’s bump in the predawn hours to the ongoing catastrophe in Haiti, I’m merely making a point about the arbitrary nature of who gets declared an orphan an the absurd lengths the industry and would-be-adopters go to in the aftermath of natural disasters and how such is viewed as normative and alright, if not “baby saving”. I’m merely re-contextualizing for the sake of parody in hopes that maybe at least some people will stop to think.)

Seriously, in real life?

I woke up, looked around, rolled over and went back to sleep.

All Bastards remain safe and sound in their homes in Maryland.

No mass child lift operations are underway… YET.